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Finding community through grief: Activist uses poetry to bring people together in times of loss

Detroit native, LGBTQ Activist and performance poet, Natasha Miller poses for a photo.
Courtesy of Natasha Miller
Detroit native, LGBTQ Activist and performance poet, Natasha Miller poses for a photo.
Photo courtesy of Natasha Miller
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Designed by Amy Law

How can we find better ways to talk about grief and channel it into art?

That’s the question LGBTQ activist and Detroit native Natasha Miller will explore through poetry as part of a Science of Grief workshop at Michigan State University Thursday.

In 2018, Miller started The Science of Grief, a series of community conversations that explore multiple forms of grief through scientific research and art.

Miller is a performance poet and author of the book Butcher, which dives into love, loss and transparency in grief.

WKAR's Megan Schellong spoke with Miller about confronting grief and how she has worked through difficult times in her life.

Interview Highlights

On why it's difficult to talk about grief

I think that it's a really vulnerable topic. It's also not easy to tell people that you're hurting, to tell people that you are in pain. I think a lot of us try to move through the world in a way that doesn't expose all of our feelings towards, you know, the losses that we've encountered. ... But at the same time, I think that talking about it, once it becomes present and it becomes real, then you start the process of actually trying to heal yourself.

On the importance of community during times of grief

I think that responding to it by creating community and writing poetry and bringing people into my story was the best response for me and it's all about the community. I think no matter what you do in life when you kind of find your people and you find you know, people who make you feel like you are not disposable, your grief and your loss is not disposable, it belongs to you. And just to feel and to be in community with other people who make you feel those sorts of ways, is the most important thing.

On what she would tell younger self looking back

One thing I would tell myself is that grief is you know, and the process is not linear, it's just not up and down, it’s messy. And it's okay, for it to be messy. But if I could go back and talk to Natasha then, I would just say there are healthier coping mechanisms. There are other communities that exist. And even if you're not ready to create the community, just go find the community.

Interview Transcript

Megan Schellong: This is Morning Edition on WKAR. I’m Megan Schellong.

How can we find better ways to talk about grief and channel it into art?

Well, that’s the question LGBTQ activist and Detroit native Natasha Miller will explore through poetry as part of a Science of Grief workshop at Michigan State University.

Miller is a performance poet and author of the book Butcher, which dives into love, loss and transparency in grief.

Miller joins me now. Natasha, thanks for being here.

Natasha Miller: Thank you for having me.

Schellong: Why do you think it’s so hard for people to talk about grief?

Miller: I think that it's a really vulnerable topic. It's also not easy to tell people that you're hurting, to tell people that you are in pain. I think a lot of us try to move through the world in a way that doesn't expose all of our feelings towards, you know, the losses that we've encountered.

I think people just want to kind of get over it, you know, the best that they can, and I think that talking about it, for some people actually makes the grief more present and more real.

But at the same time, I think that talking about it, once it becomes present and it becomes real, then you start the process of actually trying to heal yourself.

Schellong: On that note, what do you think people can gain from conversations about grief and mourning?

Miller: I think that the main thing is understanding that you are not alone in your grief. When I started the Science of Grief, you know, four or five years ago here in Detroit, it was because I wanted to talk to people and I wanted to hear from people who are experiencing the type of loss that I had experienced.

Because for so long after losing my brother, you know, I was silent about the grief, I just felt alone, I felt empty, I felt isolated, and then I just had this idea of what if you, you know, created this community of people who just openly talked about, you know, the grief and the sadness and how unwell that that they were feeling again, to start the healing process.

Schellong: You wanted to kind of de-stigmatize this concept that is grief. And on that note, how has poetry helped you deal with grief in your life? You mentioned the passing of your brother.

Miller: Yeah, yeah, and my book Butcher is mostly dedicated to my brother and the grief that I experienced after his death. Poetry is, is a form of, you know, like, therapy for me, honestly, I tell people therapy is therapy, but there are other things that can be therapeutic, and just being able to, you know, go out on a stage and perform my poetry, and to hear other people come up to me afterwards and say, “Hey, I lost my brother, hey, I lost my boyfriend, hey, I lost this person, and that poem that you did made me feel so much better or so much more comforted in it."

But at the same time, the poem that I'm performing, or the poem that I'm writing, is also making me feel more comforted in and my grief and making me feel like I'm making, I’m clearing space and making room for other things to enter into my life and actually make me feel like whole and well again.

Schellong: You’re creating community. I mean, it’s unfortunate the shared loss and grief surrounding the circumstances that are bringing these people together, but you’re de-stigmatizing grief and also building community.

Miller: Yeah, and you know, that's the plan. I think that at some point in most of our lives, you know, we all experienced some sort of loss, and I think that there are, you know, a multitude of you know, ways to respond to the loss.

I think that responding to it by creating community and writing poetry and bringing people into my story was the best response for me and it's all about the community. I think no matter what you do in life when you kind of find your people and you find you know, people who make you feel like you are not disposable, your grief and your loss is not disposable, it belongs to you. And just to feel and to be in community with other people who make you feel those sorts of ways, is the most important thing.

Schellong: And Natasha, if you could go back to, you know, when, at the time your brother's passing, what would you tell past Natasha, now, knowing that you've grown so much since?

Miller: Oh man, I mean one thing I would tell myself is that grief is you know, and the process is not linear, you know it's not, it's just not up and down, it’s messy. And it's okay for it to be messy. But if I could go back and talk to Natasha then, I would just say there are healthier coping mechanisms. There are other communities that exist.

And even if you're not ready to create the community, just go find the community because the Science of Grief, of course, it was the first you know, in Detroit, it was an original idea. But then I learned of all these other people who had all these other organizations and other groups around the city that I could have went and talked to and been in community with so I would just tell her to find that community.

Schellong: Natasha Miller is an LGBTQ activist and author of the book, “Butcher,” Natasha, thanks for being here.

Miller: Thank you for having me.

Schellong: The three-day Science of Grief “Spring into Wellness” program starts tonight (THUR) at 6:00 on Zoom. You can find more information on this weekend’s events at the Michigan State University Science Gallery’s website.

This interview has been edited for clarity and conciseness.

Megan Schellong hosted and produced Morning Edition on WKAR from 2021 to 2024.
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