On the evening of Feb. 13, 2023, Amelia Nowicki, a sophomore at Michigan State University at the time, was studying in the basement of the MSU Business Library.
“We weren’t getting push notifications because there’s no service,” Nowicki said. “But iMessages come through because of the Wi-Fi connection.”
Nowicki’s sister texted her and asked where she was. “She goes, ‘Hey, stay where you are, it’s really bad, people are dead,’” Nowicki recalls. “I looked around and everyone around in the library started to look freaked out.”
After the library went on lockdown, Nowicki stayed in the basement. “It was just so quiet and that made it more eerie,” she said. “All we really had was the [police] scanner.”
Listening to the scanner, Nowicki couldn’t tell what was happening. “The scanner catalogs everything, whether it’s false or truthful,” she said.
When the lockdown was lifted, around 1:30 a.m. the next day, Nowicki met her dad in Okemos and went back to Grosse Pointe, her hometown.
Two of the students who were killed, Arielle Anderson and Brian Fraser, were also from Grosse Pointe.
While the university canceled classes for the rest of the week, Nowicki didn’t feel the relief of going back home like other students.
“I feel like the shock was just part of my anatomy,” she said. “I went home expecting to feel comforted, but I feel like I was just shaking for two or three days straight.”
For Nowicki, it's been hard to feel safe in familiar spaces after seeing how quickly safety can be removed from them.
“That illusion of protection is ruined," she said.
She avoids certain activities because of the tragedy. “Even now, I try to be back indoors by dark. I’m uncomfortable taking night classes.”
Reflecting on her mood at the beginning of the spring semester last year, Nowicki said it was surreal to imagine her life before the shooting.
“I started off the semester with so much joy,” she said. “And then to have your whole world come crashing down and then have to slowly rebuild.”
Nowicki says she's starting to see the joy again.
“I’m just more cautious,” she said. “I’m definitely not walking anywhere past sunset by myself anymore.”
Delaney Rogers, now a senior, left her evening class early on Feb. 13. She decided to go straight to her friend’s house instead of the MSU Union building, where she would do homework.
She said she found out about the shooting from her friend’s GroupMe, a messaging app used by students for class group chats. At first, Rogers didn’t know if it was true or not.
“It could just be a test or something,” Rogers said. “And then, as those became more urgent, we were like, okay, this is real.”
Rogers returned to her apartment after the official news briefing from the MSU Department of Police and Public Safety.
“I just wanted to see my roommate to know she was safe,” Rogers said. “I saw her and that’s when it finally hit me. I just started crying.”
Coming up on the one-year mark of the shooting, Rogers said she’s still processing it. “It’s something that’s unimaginable,” she said. “Nobody can even begin to understand how to process it.”
Like Nowicki, Rogers still struggles to feel safe on campus. “This is a place I call home and that was ripped away so quickly,” she said.
And now, for her and many MSU students, the date will have a heavy meaning. “February 13 is going to be engraved in our heads for years to come,” Rogers said. “It’s something we’re going to have to always navigate.”
Rogers plans to take time for herself to continue processing what happened. “Last year, I think I ignored and neglected my own mental health,” she said.
She encourages other students to do the same. “This is going to be a lifelong thing but never try to push it down,” she said. “Everyone’s continuing to process and learn as time goes on.”
